I HATE THINSPIRATION!!

Oh my goodness I'm 100% certain that the devil created "thinspiration"- how much more detrimental to our bodies can we be if we are more focused on being thin than on being healthy. Thin is a socially constructed ideal- thin is not a size, it is not a health goal- it is an unobtainable goal because no matter how hard you work out, how much paleo/organic/juice cleanse diets you try someone will always be skinnier than you. And guess what- it could be natural skinniness or it could be caused by a deadly eating disorder. 

This may seem like a kind of out of the blue rant but it isn't, don't worry- I have always been this crazy. This is something that has been simmering under the surface for quite sometime and it was either my .9mile run or the 3rd piece of pizza that's causing it to come out. 

Really this whole thing started with Pinterest  I was looking on Pinterest because I like looking at things, I like food and clothes and pictures of pretty things and places. I even have a fitness board- do I use it? Well... maybe I've tried one thing a couple times but for the most part, nope. That is probably my most wasted board. I actually stopped pinning to it because it was turning into something that caused me shame. My fitness board was causing me to shame my own body. It would go something like this:

this one's kind of a doozy- click through if you love me :)

Arches 10 weeks later

So I actually don't know how long ago we went to Arches National Park but it was a while ago- like almost 3 months so approx 10 weeks.

Not the point.

Point:

After graduation (walking) (which was wonderfully long and boring, especially since maybe 15 people received their diploma (holder) after I did) the ever kind Walton's took us to Arches National Park. They were coming down for graduation, bless their hearts, and had been wanting to go to Arches and thought "why not?" and invited us to go with them. And of course we were like "YESSSSS!!!!" We've decided that the national parks are maybe the best things ever so this was a great opportunity to go to a near by American treasure.

It was a wonderful weekend of hiking and spending time with family and friends.

Because taking pictures with a mural of Nessy and a shark is important enough for 2 pictures

Riding side-saddle because I'm a lady, obviously.

Yes we did get rained on. At least once. 

And this is where Dan starts to be a fart and won't smile for pictures

Some pretty cool stuff went down when God made Arches

Still not happy about taking pictures but in his defense his knee was injured

Creatively named "Walk Through Arch"- we then crawled through "Crawl Through Arch"

You may be wondering what constitutes an Arch- well there are 3 things. 

1. Must be 3 feet in at least one direction

2. Must be created out of continuous rock

3. Must go all the way through the rock

If you are all of these things, congrats! You're an Arch. 

Delicate Arch, of course

Walked the extra 1/4 of a mile to see these awesome rock paintings. Worth it. 

Christmas cards attempt- Yes we have matching sweatshirts, not it wasn't my idea, yes it was Dan's idea, yes I love it.

Not shown: this is a double arch meaning 2 arches on top of each other- we were on the bottom one even though Dan tried to get to the top one. #hubris 

Best (and scariest) hike and also the most worth the effort. 

I highly recommend Arches National Park and doing the Fiery Furnace Hike- not hard at all but go with a guide

Post Grad Gratitude!

As some of you know I graduated from BYU in December and have had a hard time finding a good (read: paying) job. I have had a wonderful internship with a great start-up here in Provo and have really grown and gained really great skills from this internship, not to mention I have been blessed to work with some amazing people. But while I have been doing this internship I have been looking for a full-time job specifically in human resources. After looking on Indeed.com almost everyday for the past semester and going to interviews almost every week for the last 2 months I finally got my first job offer a couple weeks ago. It was as a receptionist at a publishing company and paid minimum wage. So it kind of sucked, so I really wanted to think about this opportunity and if it was really worth it. I asked a lot of people for advice and after a lot of discussing it and thinking about it and praying about it I felt like I should accept the job. So I called to accept the position and was told that the position had already been filled. Apparently this company had offered the position to more than one person and even though I had been in contact with them earlier that day to learn more about this job they failed to mention this to me. I am SO grateful that I did not end up working for this company that has such a lack of integrity. It was such a blessing to not get this job, although I was kind of disappointed. Not because I wanted the job really badly but because I was a 3 month college grad and still didn't have a paying job. 

That weekend was general conference, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints weekend meeting where we here messages from church leaders on spiritual and temporal subjects. I thought that I could receive some personal inspiration from these messages, and I kind of did. I really wanted to know what I should be doing with my life. Should I go to grad school, should I keep looking for a job, should I start looking for a different kind of job? There just seemed to be too many options and I just needed some direction. I didn't receive a direct response, no one got up and said "Katie, you need to focus on getting a job in your desired field" or "Katie, go get your MSW and help people with eating disorders". Instead I just felt peace every time someone talked about service or not worrying about money or the things of the world. I felt that God loved me and that I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. Because I haven't had a full time job I have been able to do a lot of service lately. Making dinner for families that just had babies, babysitting for moms near by so they can work or go do yoga. It has been really special to be able to just serve other people and more importantly I know it's what God wanted me to be doing with my extra time. 

So after conference I was content with myself. I was a good person doing good things and trying to make myself better. I still looked for jobs because I did need a job if not only because my free time will only increase during the spring and summer while Dan is working more with school and research. I had an interview last week that went less than desirably but still went well. It was an odd interview but I knew that given the circumstances I had done my best and I felt comfortable with the outcome. I liked all of the people that I met and was really excited to potentially be able to work with them and learn from them. I was told that I would find out Monday (today) whether I had gotten the job or not. I had been told this a lot, I was supposed to hear back on a job like 3 weeks ago Thursday but I haven't even gotten an email. I didn't expect to get anything. I have found that if you don't get a call early on the day that they say they'll call you, you're not getting the job. Well I got to my internship about 10 this morning and immediately got a call, though I assumed it was from another company asking about an interview. Well it wasn't. It was the company I had interviewed with last week and they offered me the job! I was thrilled, I may have almost teared up, I felt at peace about this job. It is really the perfect job for me right now and I am so excited and feel so blessed to have gotten this position. I know I was made to wait for a long time to get a job so that I could get then necessary experience at my internship and so I could really learn how to serve and appreciate the people around me. 

Thanks to everyone who was praying for me and supporting me in my search for a job and thank you to everyone who let me serve you. Sometimes it is harder to be served than it is to serve, actually all of the time, so thank you. And thank goodness I don't have to do any more interviews!!

On being "skinny"

My entire life I have been the "skinny girl". I was that girl that people 'hated' because I literally ate pizza for lunch every day and didn't eat healthy and could eat a bucket of KFC chicken and not gain weight. From the time I was a little girl people would comment on how skinny I was, not in a bad way but almost like a compliment. I did sports all throughout my childhood. I was constantly doing some athletic activity until my junior year of high school when I didn't make the volley ball team, but even after I stopped consistently working out I was still "skinny". I never gained the "freshman 15" I think mainly because my diet never changed. I moved away from home and ate the exact same way I ate when I was home. Also I dislocated my ankle my first semester and so the first few weeks of college I was kind of on an eat when I need to diet because I couldn't walk. But that aside, I was always "skinny". I went on study abroad, where everyone gains weight, and I lost 10 pounds. I actually had a girl come up to me one day and ask me 'how I stayed so skinny' which was awkward because she was all about health and fitness and I, well, wasn't. People have always asked me that though, "How do you stay so thin?" "You're so skinny! How do you do that?". You guys, pizza and fries and moderate to sedentary exercise plan. That was my diet. That is what I did to stay "skinny".

This one is kind of a doozy. Putting in a break. Click through for more!

WEDDINGS

So yesterday I found out that one of my best friends of all time is getting married this summer (it's not official yet so I can't say who) and needless to say I AM SOOOO HAPPY FOR HER! I actually have a few friends getting married in the next few months. Dan's best friend/old roommate and one of Dan's best friends from high school are both getting married within the next few months and both of whom I'm also good friends with. It just makes me happy, people getting married. I think it's because it is really one of the best things I have ever done and it brings me so much happiness daily I just want everyone to also be that happy! It's really just so great. 

But anyway, it reminded me that I never actually blogged about my wedding. So, because you all care A TON, here is our special day.
We got married (at 8:20 in the morning) August 10, 2013. Needless to say I don't remember a ton. I only slept 2 hours the night before and woke up at 4 to start getting ready. I do remember that there were a lot of people there that I loved, there were a lot of people I didn't really know, and everything was absolutely wonderful. We took pictures outside the Salt Lake City Temple with friends and family after the ceremony. Ate a wonderful lunch at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. And then we headed back to Provo for a perfect open house at my grandparent's. The following week included 2 other receptions/open houses but we'll stick to Provo for now. 

I'm including a break because I love you, if you love me click through. hint: pictures!

On Disordered Eating

We have all been taught about eating disorders. We all know about Anorexia and Bulimia and some of us even know about Binge Eating which was recently added as an eating disorder to the DSM. What we don't hear about is disordered eating. I want to talk a little bit about that. 

First of all, basics. Anorexia- eating very little to nothing in order to loose weight. Not a diet, but a very constrictive psychological issue that controls the persons eating habits. Bulimia- binge eating or just normal eating and then purging either through throwing up or laxatives in order to loose weight- also psychologically based. Binge Eating- loss of control of eating in order to body shame, again psychological. 

So what the heck is disordered eating. Is it eating foods in the wrong order- desert then veggies? Not necessarily. Disordered eating covers the rest of the unrecognized "eating disorders" that affect society. Disordered eating, in my own words and according to my understanding, is any odd behavior towards food or eating that is psychologically based. This can include an addiction to food or to any certain food, aversions to specific foods or specific food groups, or anything under the big blue sky. I think to some degree we all have disordered eating. Not to be pessimistic, it's just a fact, and accepting it is important. 


putting in a break because I love you. click through if you love me.

My Thoughts on Equality a la Ainsley Hayes

Lately I've just kind of been in a tizzy over all of this Mormon women and the priesthood and equality thing. It really happens twice a year with General Conference and women wanting to go to priesthood session and all that stuff. This time around though I've been reading an amazing book "The Beginning of Better Days". It's basically sermons from the Prophet, Joseph Smith directed to the Relief Society with two essays on women and the priesthood by Virginia Pearce and Sheri Dew. I'm not quite through Sister Dew's essay but so far I'm just in love. It says everything I want to say, but it says it more eloquently and just says and knows more. It's great. Read it. Now. You can borrow my copy when I'm done. 

Anyway, with that book, the NYTimes article, and various conversations I've had I'm just in a tizzy about all this. I have strong opinions on Mormon women and the priesthood, a lot of women do. There are a lot of opinions to be had on the issue and a lot of issues surrounding the issue. It's just too much darling, too much. But in this post I will try to voice what I feel as an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and a woman and a feminist. 

Sometimes it is hard being a woman. Sometimes it's hard being a Mormon woman. Sometimes it's hard being a semi-liberal feminist Mormon woman, especially here in Provo. I don't hold a lot of the same ideals as a lot of people around me, or even as those who might classify themselves the same way I do. If you know me, like really know me, you know that I really really like the show West Wing. If I had to choose a favorite character, and it's a really hard decision, I would have to say it is Ainsley Hayes (who is actually a republican ). There's a part where she talks about why she doesn't support the ERA and it's fabulous, but the same logic Ainsley Hayes a la Aaron Sorkin uses also works to explain why I will not push for women to be ordained to the priesthood. Here is my/my mom's edited version for this purpose, "it's humiliating to ask for an ordination 'declaring' that I am equal to men in God's eyes. I am mortified to discover there is a reason I wasn't before. I am a full member of the church, I am not a special subset in need of protection. I do not need to have my rights handed down by man. The same priesthood that blesses them blesses me, and I went to the Temple and studied my scriptures just to make sure". 

I am proud to be a member of a church that makes hard decisions. A church that not only has a righteous doctrine but also maintains their beliefs even when it is unpopular. A church that will not change its stance on issues even though it may cause church membership to go down. I am proud to belong to a church that only changes according to modern revelation and not according to the requests of the public. This is why I will not press for ordination of women or to be admitted to priesthood session of conference. I want my ordination to come from God not man. If there comes a time when God reveals that women are to be ordained to the priesthood I will follow and I will receive it with joy, but it will not change my equality with men in His eyes because I always have been equal to men.

Learning to Love

I have made a recen realization about myself. I really love to love to cook. It is so relaxing for me to just find a recipe that I know I can follow and get all the ingredients and just cook and the feed people. We had our friends over for dinner Monday night and I made some delicious ham+cheese sliders (that we also had at our wedding) and garlic fries (a la Safeco style). I had never made either of those things before and in total I spent quite a bit of time cooking all of it, but it was fun! And they were both pretty easy recipes and had a lot of down time. 

I'm not saying I'm a good cook, lest you start to believe that I am. I almost burnt the sandwiches and I totally botched the fries. I have this thing where I want the fries to be super skinny so they're cripsy but then they burn and don't taste good at all so I just need to get over myself and cut the fries bigger. But I also learned that if you add enough garlic and oil pretty much anything tastes good, so fries saved and crisis averted. 

Anyway I have learned to love cooking and the way that happened was I learned how to cook. Really until about 2 years ago I would just throw things together and put them in the oven and hope it would work out. It NEVER did. I never thought about cooking, the flavors, consistency, etc. I still have a hard time with it. But once I learned that cooking is really a science (these ingredients actually work together to make your cookies bake correctly and you can tell if it will work by how the dough turns out) everything came together. Once I understood cooking I started to love it. 

I'm still learning and I think I'll be figuring it out for the rest of my life but at least I'm figuring it out instead of giving up. I mean I totally botched all of the cookies I made in high school and I did the same thing last night. The difference between high school Katie and last night Katie was instead of giving up I figured out what I did wrong. I never added enough flour, the dough was always too runny. 

Learning and understanding has made me love cooking. Learning and understanding is the way we start to love. Whether it is people, an activity, or education; once we start to learn and understand something that is when we start to love that thing. 

Out of the rut.

I don't know what it has been but the last few months I have just been in a rut. Not a big one, like not even big enough for me to realize that I was in a rut. Just big enough for me to be able to get down on myself for little things and not really focus on making myself better. I don't know if it's the stress of getting a job or the quick change from professional student to professional job seeker but something was getting me down. I don't know, it could have been the weather. Whatever it was though it's gone. 

I'm finally motivated to do things again. I went to the gym twice this week. TWICE! I know big whoop but in the last 6 months I think I've gone to the gym like 4 or 5 times. Pathetic. So two times in one week is pretty awesome. I started a craft project that I have been meaning to do for probably a year now. I folded laundry from the last two loads we did. (at least we've had clean clothes) I'm starting to enjoy my internship more. I'm being more social with the wonderful people around me. I'm starting to make more friends. I'm starting to cook more, which I love. I have even been trying new recipes and adding heaven forbid vegetables (note cooking with and eating are not always the same thing).  Everything is kind of turning out pretty good. Nothing is perfect. I still haven't finished my craft project or put away all of the laundry. I still don't have a job and I'm still not super social. But I'm happier. I'm motivated. I feel good about myself and those around me. 

So I realize I just let you all know how much of a slob and lazy person I have been the last few months. Feel free to forget all of that. Especially the laundry part. But the point is that life is good. People go through hard times. Depression, anxiety, ruts. They are all real and they happen to everyone and more importantly they are different for everyone. My rut ended randomly, maybe due to some unseasonal sun, or socializing, or eating a bit healthier. But you or someone you know might have an entirely different situation. All I can say is that life is really good and it's worth fighting to make the best of it. I know it isn't easy for everyone, but I know that one day everything will actually be okay. It will never be perfect but it will be okay and it will be good. 

This kind of took a turn for the random but I just want to thank everyone who has been so supportive of me. Even if it is just a smile or words of advice or just being a wonderful person to be around it has made a difference in my life. So thank you. 

For more inspiring and well-put words on depression or anxiety check out this amazing talk that we should all probably listen to at least once a month. 

Spring Calling

I realize that pretty much the entire country has had a pretty awful winter. East coast got it pretty bad this week. There was that one "national hate Florida day" where the entire US was freezing while it was like 75 degrees in Florida. Yeah, my mom was there that week. Rude. But this winter for me at least was like 30 times better than last year. Not only has it been warmer and less snowy but my apartment isn't 50 degrees. Instead it's probably about 78 which is too hot but I'll survive. Regardless of how much better this winter is I'm still dying for spring. Spring is easily my favorite season. The sun/warmth, the flowers and new trees, and everyone is just happier. My green thumbs are starting to itch, which is strange because I have never really enjoyed gardening. 

Dan is in the same boat with me. We want a garden! Luckily for us we are moving into my grandparents house while they're on their mission and they have a beautiful back yard so we get to have a garden!!!! 

Every time we go over to their house (at least once a week) Dan and I start talking about how excited we are to live there and all the things we might be able to do with their garden. It's pretty awesome.

To tie us over until May we're just fiddling around with fake flowers and store bought bouquets. Also my Pinterest might get a little garden crazy. We don't even have enough windows to give a potted plant proper sunlight so that will have to do for now. My current obsession right now is our front door decoration that I made (with lots and lots of help) at our relief society craft night. Inspiration from here.

Attempts at Being a Domestic Goddess: Roasted Po.Tay.Toes.

Some of you know that I am an awful eater. My family here in Utah gets together most Sundays and I have a few key cousins that will always offer me vegetables or mashed potatoes as a joke, knowing I won't accept. Yes you heard my right, I don't like mashed potatoes. That's a weird one, I know. Don't ask.

Anyway one Sunday my Grandma Westover made these amazing roasted potatoes and just asked me to  try one. Anyway I looked at them and I was like I'll take an entire plate thank you. I like potatoes when they don't taste like dirt aka fried and crispy. Up until then the only way I was getting potatoes were from potato chips or fries. These roasted potatoes are amazing- they're basically fries but  healthier? Hopefully healthier. 

Here's what you do (recipe courtesy of Gma Westover)

1 potato per person

Olive oil

Garlic salt

Pepper

Cooking spray

Bowl

Knife

Glass casserole dish

Heat oven to 400 Degrees

Cut up potato into bit sized chunks (the smaller the crispier)

Put in bowl

Drizzle olive oil. You don't need a ton, just enough to cover the potato bits

Add garlic salt and pepper. It's hard to tell with the salt so don't over do it but you can see the pepper better.

Stir it up

SPRAY CASSEROLE DISH- I have forgotten to do this EVERY time I make these. It is awful. #firstworldproblems

Put in glass casserole dish. With fewer potatoes use a smaller dish if you have one 

Put in oven once heated to desired temperature

Leave in oven for 30 minutes. Check and stir. Put back in oven.

(If you have forgotten to spray your casserole dish you'll find out now. The potato will stick to the
bottom and it's just annoying. You can repent now and move the potatoes over to one side, spray, move them to the other side, spray, and then evenly redistribute before putting them back in the oven)

Check again in 15 minutes.

Check again in 15 minutes.

It takes a total of 1 hour to cook but if you want your potatoes a little less crispy don't feel like you have to use the full hour. Also, if you're using fewer potatoes (1-2) check it about 5 minutes early on the last 15 minutes. That's when they're about perfect.



























Enjoy!

Birchbox: It's like having a mini-birthday each month

So a few months back I saw an ad for Birchbox, this cute little company that offers monthly samples of cute little cosmetics or gadgets or food. I immediately looked into it because as a poor college grad I didn't/don't really have the budget to just go out and buy makeup or treat myself to cool little things. The sample boxes are $10 each and include about 5 samples of some pretty quality stuff personalized for your needs and desires. Honestly, it's a pretty great idea. So of course when my mom was asking what I wanted for Christmas I was like, "hey! there's this awesome thing called Brichbox you should check it out". So my mom got me a 6 month subscription (she got one for herself too because, why not?).

So now that it's February I have received 2 boxes and it is SO much fun. You just come home one day and you have a cute little box on your steps and you open it and there's all this cute little stuff like sample perfumes, mini-shampoos and conditioners, lipstick, nail polish, Chocolate. I kid you not my first box had a full Ghirardelli chocolate bar in it.

Another great thing about Birchbox is that after you get the samples you can go on their website and buy the full sized thing if you end up loving it (and can afford it). I seriously see no down-side to this service. They also have a Men's Birchbox with great shaving creams, colognes, man-cessories (hats, techy gadgets). They're $20/mo so a little more pricy but if your or a special guy in your life is into fancy creams and gizmos then it might be a good little gift.

I'll be doing some product reviews on the stuff I get in my Birchboxes for the next few months, but really you should probably just check it out for yourself!

*Birchbox did not sponsor this post but they're welcome to at any time ;) #freesamplesforlife?

Back to Happy and SUNSHINE!

Sorry about the last post guys, that was a bummer. Unfortunately I still don't have a job but I am working with another awesome start up and doing HR and some marketing for them too which is pretty cool. I guess I just have to get my experience the hard way. 

Anyway, one benefit of not having a job or school is I can pretty much take off whenever I want! Last year Dan and I went to Las Vegas with our dear friends Jake and Cassandra. (You can see the info from that trip in the archives) This year we decided to do the same thing (unfortunately Jake and Cassandra couldn't come with us this time :( ) and it was absolutely perfect! We left on Friday afternoon (Valentines Day- romantic I know) and got back last night (Monday- President's Day). 

Friday we had a delicious dinner courtesy of my Aunt and Uncle who also hate buying into Valentines Day gimmicks and just spent time with our crazy, cute cousins. We really enjoyed the food and the kids really enjoyed jumping all over us. The three youngest all especially like Dan and he was so wonderful and patient and *played with them (*read: took a beating). I married a pretty awesome guy. 

Saturday we did the most amazing hike followed by spending time with Dan's sister and got totally ripped off by Treasure Island that night. We had been planning on going to Cirque de Soleil's Mystere. We were supper lucky and were able to get 3 tickets for the show we wanted with all 3 seats together the day of the show for a too-good-to-believe price. Well we show up to Treasure Island and get our tickets from will call and there are only 2 tickets. So the person selling tickets to Mystere that night thought it would be a really good idea to lie to us and tell us we were getting 3 tickets and then only reserved 2 seats for us and charged us way more than we would have paid for 2 tickets normally. So we got a refund and peaced out of that place. I'm not sure if I'm more annoyed with the fact that they lied to us or with how stupid of a business decision it was to only reserve 2 seats for 3 people.  So instead of spending $120 we went and saw Robocop and got dinner, so I think we got the better end of that deal. Take that Treasure Island!

Sunday was such a relaxing day, we just spent time with cousins and played games and watched TV and ate more delicious food. 

Monday was also wonderful. Dan and I went out and met up with his sister, Emily, and went to the Hoover Dam (insert every dam joke here). I had never been and it was pretty neat. Very interesting art deco inspired architecture and mythological/astrological influences in their decor. Afterward we went to lunch and played with Emily's roommates dog for a bit before we sadly had to come back to Utah. 


It was such a wonderful weekend and we are so grateful to our amazing family members who made our trip so amazing! Love you!!

Life of an Unemployed College Grad

I graduated from college about a month and a half ago. Up until that point I had been a student for nearly 17 years of my life and then one day it just stopped. I took my last final exam and walked away. I didn't have a job, an internship, anything. I graduated unprepared to face the real world.

I still don't have a job but thank the heavens I have an internship so I don't just waste away. Do you know how awful it is to go from writing papers nearly every week to doing absolutely nothing? For the first two weeks I spent my days looking for jobs and because we didn't have a couch I looked for jobs on my bed. Dan would wake up and go to school and I'd wake up, force myself to shower and get dressed and then look for jobs. You guys, you can only look/apply for jobs for so long because there are only so many people looking to hire a recent graduate with a degree in Sociology trying to enter the world of Human Resources with little to no experience.

In the last month that I have been back in Utah and looking for a job I have had 2 interviews and I have another one next week (pray for me). One with Sprout-Kids where I now work as a Human Resources/Social Media Marketing Intern about 15 hours a week for no pay and one with an HR firm that didn't hire me. So, for the... 15-20 jobs I have applied to in the last 4 weeks only 3 people have contacted me. This is worse than dating!

I am so grateful for my internship and for the opportunities it has given me to expand and create new skills and develop more expertise in the fields that I am interested in. And even though they didn't hire me, I'm really grateful to the company that I had an interview with. I'm so grateful to the companies that give me the chance to become something great.  It feels good to know people think your skills are valuable and that they find you employable. It feels awful to be ignored by companies who only require a high school degree or equivalent but want 5 years of HR experience for their HR assistant position.

I know this is no fun to read but this is who I have been the last few weeks and I feel it has changed me a little. I wish I could go back 3 years and tell my college sophomore self to do things differently, but I can't. I do want to change how I act in the future though and I think this experience has helped me to kind of reevaluate myself and what/who I want to be. 

Ode to Hannah

My little sister Hannah turns 16 on Friday and I am entirely NOT okay with it. Hannah and I are about 7 years apart so I'm only really used to her being a child and 16 is officially no longer a child. Hannah will be dating and driving and who knows what else. So here, on this blog, are my thoughts on Hannah. 

We'll start from the beginning.

About 17.5 years ago I was an only child. I remember specifically all my friends had siblings and I was just lonely. I wanted someone to sit in the back seat of the car with and I wanted a friend. I wanted a sister/brother. I had been taught from a young(er) age that God heard my prayers and that they would be answered so I went into my room and knelt down and prayed for a little sister/brother. I didn't know until much later that my parents had been trying to have another baby and that my mom was having a hard time getting pregnant but about a year later my mom told me she was going to have a baby. I was so excited to have a little sister. I don't remember much about my mom's pregnancy but I remember when Hannah was born and going to my babysitter's house and watching Hercules and eating Mac & Cheese and then my dad came and picked me up to go see my new little sister. I remember holding her and I remember playing with her as a baby. I remember I got really mad at my parents because they told me I could help give her a bath and then they didn't come get me so I didn't get to help. I just wanted to spend all my time with her and take care of her. She wasn't their baby, she was my sister. 

Now this sounds like I was a wonderful big sister but about the time Hannah started voicing her opinion and acting for herself I stopped being a good big sister. I think it started when Hannah was beating my head against the floor with my ponytail- so about a year old I think... I don't remember that incident but I think we can blame that on Hannah. Hannah and I would butt heads (less literally) for the greater part of our childhood, not horribly, but we were never super close. It's hard to be close when you're 10 and 3 or 16 and 9. 

Hannah grew up spunky and fearless and full of energy. She would run in circles around our house and until you found her asleep on the floor. She would try anything and generally she would be great at it. She was smart and funny and could do pretty much anything she set her mind to. She is still that way, she's one of "those" people. Jerk. 

Hannah was just becoming fun when I moved to college. She was 11 and I was 18. By the time she was 13 she was much more fun and we started to get along really well. She was/is very grown up. We liked the same TV shows, music, movies. We finally had things to do together and talk about. It took about 12 years but we were finally friends. 

Today I consider Hannah one of my best friends and a wonderful role model. She has grown into a wonderful teenager. She is kind and a good friend. She is intelligent and funny and strives to do her best. She is everything I wanted to be in high school and what I want to be now. I am so lucky that my prayers were answered with my wonderful sister Hannah, I couldn't ask for a better little sister. Even though I hate that she's growing up, I'm really excited for Hannah and I to grow closer as she becomes more of an adult. I'm excited for her to start dating and I'm going to start saving money to make sure I can fly up to Washington to beat up any boys that break her heart. I'm excited for her to become more independent, if that's even possible, and for her to really grow into herself and become the amazing woman I know she will be. 

Hannah, I love you so much and even though I was a pretty crappy sister growing up I have always loved being your older sister. I wish you the happiest birthday and I wish I could be there to celebrate it with you. I hope only good things ever happen to you in life but know that I (and Dan) will be there for you no matter what happens. Love you and happy birthday from your favorite big sister!

Love you HanBanan!